And suddenly– it feels– May is here.
While there still remains uncertainty in front of us, for me, I can’t believe that it’s May. It’s hard to believe it’s been nearly two months since Hattie died and not much shorter than that that Greg has been teaching from home.
In many ways, my life didn’t change. When we were to “stay at home,” I was just about a month past the end of my job and I was getting ready for what was supposed to be a summer of events selling Chelle Summer items between here and LA. My brain was busy sorting how I what I needed to sew each week. And I was balancing that with my Lenten goal of completing a manuscript.
I ended up having to throw the manuscript idea out the window. I struggled to write much at all, took a week off, and even that didn’t help. I just felt guilty that I hadn’t been writing when it feels like my brain is stuffed with my characters’ lives. It took me a while to realize it was the grief, the loss of the world as I knew, that was messing me up (combined with the loss of Hattie who had been with me for over 14 years).
But somehow in this, my inspiration for sewing didn’t wane. Once I forced myself to push past any frustration I felt about the current situation (which included finally stopping watching the news and look at headlines– I only allow myself to read the two newspaper that arrive every morning here and check headlines no more than once a day), I tried to at least finish something small each day so I could say I completed something.
Some days were better than others, but I did manage also to complete some items I’d cut months ago and not finished. And in this process, I realized that so much of my life, of trying to work through challenging situations, of the many losses I’ve faced, helped me with the current pandemic situation.
I didn’t want to look back and wonder why I wasted so much time. I made sure I made the most of it of what I could do, not worry about what I couldn’t control.
Now while I wait to figure out where to go next with Chelle Summer as some of the events are canceled, I know that at least somehow I did forge forward in a time that I could have easily wasted and disappointed myself in the end. I learned a long time ago that no matter what happens to use there we still have a good life and we still have opportunities. It’s up to us, however, to choose the road ahead of us.