Sitting on my desk for six months has been a piece Patti Davis wrote in the New York Times (November 1, 2023) after the death of actor Matthew Perry about the loneliness of addiction. It has sat there for these two lines near the end:
“He laid bare his wounds, his struggles, his complicated relationship with drugs and alcohol. That’s the best we can do in life– be truthful and hope those truths become lanterns for others as they wander through the dark.”
While my journey hasn’t been drug or alcohol related, there has been much darkness in loss and the road to finding light again.
I don’t always share what I’m immediately going through because I’ve also learned that my journey is about showing how I got somewhere and that means holding onto it until I at least get far enough along the road that I can reflect on it.
The journey has also changed in many ways, more reflecting now through what I make for Chelle Summer. I have held a lantern for a long time for those who have come after me in loss, in particular suicide bereaved siblings, but I also wear a bright-colored dress and carry a bright-colored handbag that serve as lanterns, too.
I shared much in the early years of my grief journey of the pain and sadness that I felt after losing my sister. But I also always balanced that with where I found hope. I believe it’s because I always knew on some level if you were going to share your pain, you also had to help people find a way out of that pain, not to be stuck in it. There is importance to connection through sharing, but we also should be leading the way through the darkness, not all stuck there standing and looking around into nothing.
Be truthful about the journey. But also share what brings you hope to keep traveling forward, to find your way out of darkness. We can all learn from each other. And help each other, even if it’s just about providing a little hope along the way.