While I’m usually writing about my challenges with letting go, I’d say keeping a balanced life takes a close second. I’m very aware of it and that’s probably made it easier to spot how much of the world that enmeshes me is also out of balance.
The pandemic threw so much into the mess, a cauldron that was already brewing, and I really, truly believed that the opportunity to pull things back to the middle would happen. Yes, the joke was on me and I wish I were laughing. It’s like the freight trains that were running out of control, suddenly switched paths and started to run out of control. The other way.
While there is much we can’t control around us, we can control our reactions to everything and that’s part of what set off this imbalance that runs the other way. Embracing change is hard, especially when it’s taking beloved aspects out of your life. I know because I’ve lost a lot of them over the past few years. While Ash and I were running this morning, I was thinking about how right before the pandemic I was so excited because things were running in such a good direction. I very much felt like things were where I wanted them to be and I were going where I wanted them to go.
Then, Bam!, it was all gone. I’ve spent over two years looking for the pieces that were swept up in the tornado, some not to be found again and others were so torn up and twisted they weren’t usable and had to thrown out. A new journey had to be started.
But when there is a new journey, it’s hard to find the footing, the pace, the rhythm. That’s where we are now– we’re trying to find where to go on a road that doesn’t exist. That’s thrown the balance out the window because we don’t know what it looks like so it’s gone back a different way, one that doesn’t make sense or feel right.
My hope, although I admit some days have been much harder than others to be hopeful so I try to stay in bubble where at least my creativity and my dogs keep me happy, is that we find our way back to the middle. The world won’t survive if we don’t.