I don’t know how many years it’s been since Fr. Anthony, a priest at our church who has since moved away, and I had the discussion about when God asks us to give up something for something greater. I remember he had talked about it in one of his homilies and it was something that resonated with me.
When I saw him next, I asked him about it and explained that I had walked away from my swimming pool when I divorced. I knew that I would one day have another swimming pool, but it was hard to be without something that I used daily when I moved back to the Chicago area and didn’t have one.
Obviously, I got the pool and house back when my ex-husband decided to move on. So I said to Fr. Anthony, “I already gave it up once. I don’t want to give it up again.”
He thought for a moment and then he said– knowing how much I was enjoying surfing at the time, “What if God asks you to give up your pool for say, the ocean?”
I have been sitting with that question since he asked it. I have no answers and I have also learned in these years that I don't always have the answers. I might get some answers at some point while others I am apparently supposed to ponder.
However, Friday we learned that the Jesuits are leaving our church because there aren’t enough of them now to staff it. While part of me is not entirely surprised and I knew the day would come when our pastor, who married Greg and I, would be moved, I am still feeling a sense of loss.
It was because of someone telling me to find a Jesuit church, explaining that they are different than the run-of-the-mill Archdiocesan-run churches that I started going to Immaculate Conception in the first place. The priests are different, more open to meeting people where they are at, inviting you in no matter who you are. But what was most important for me was their focus on Ignatian Spirituality that has taught me so much about prayer and listening for God in all that’s around me.
Not just did Greg and I marry at this church by Fr. Broussard, a Jesuit, our previous pastor let me start the divorced women’s group when I moved back here and joined the church. I learned so much from that group of women and I’m so grateful for that experience. Plus, it was during that time that I met Greg and church became our Saturday night date night– some time with God to think, dinner, and usually a little touring around Albuquerque.
The pandemic had already changed our routine and I’m still not quite show how that will shake out. But after feeling sad and angry that these priests who have taught me so much are going to be leaving and that going there won’t be the same, I thought of Fr. Anthony.
“What if God asked you to give up the pool for, say, the ocean?”
Sometimes you’re asked to give up something for something greater.
The change won’t occur until January 1 and Fr. Broussard will be with us until June. Greg and I will remain attending the church until Fr. Broussard leaves. After that, as Greg said, “The interviews will begin” of where we go next.
But there is a caveat to this that I have to remember and keep at the forefront of my mind when I get upset about it– I don’t know what’s ahead for my own life. Something greater. Maybe that means we won’t be able to attend mass there on weekends. I can speculate on some good things that I would like to happen, but I try to keep those to myself as I work toward them.
No matter what, there always will be sadness. But there also always will be something greater. As I grieve this loss, I need to keep that something greater with me. And hold on for yet another ride of change ahead.