Let me preface this blog with, there is much I am grateful for right now. The list is much longer than what is frustrating me. However, every few weeks my irritation bubbles up from a variety of things that have been affected by the pandemic. I also know that when I might be experiencing some feelings, others are out there might be, too, and so I believe it’s important for me to write about the variety of feelings and emotions I travel through.
When I took Lilly out to run at 4:15 this morning, the darkness felt a little more eerie than usual. We started a two-week shutdown today and one of the major pieces that’s affecting my life is that the gym is closed. Some people will say, “But you run every day! You can’t miss the pool!”
But what most people don’t know is how important swimming is to my mental health. My pool is open, however, there is no way we can heat it (or pay to heat it!) to get it warm enough for me to swim in right now. Just Friday morning when I got in the pool for my swim at the gym, we had an amazing sunrise. I actually thought about getting out to take a photo of the pink and orange colors that were bouncing off the surface of the water, but I thought, No, I’ll get it another day.
I didn’t know that by that afternoon, I’d only get to swim the weekend– when I usually don’t swim– and not until December 1 (hopefully it’s only two weeks!). Today I feel like a piece of my routine is missing.
For nearly two months, Greg and I have been going five days a week (four for him– he teaches live on Mondays so I go without him) to swim and we both were starting to feel the results of our efforts. But I also just need that time of letting my mind wander as I go back and forth. Some days I don’t want to get out of the pool because I feel so much peace there. I told someone recently that it’s like the outside world can’t hurt me when I’m in the pool.
Take it away though and I feel sad because part of my routine has been yanked away from me. Even though it’s hopefully only for a short time, I feel like something has been ripped away and it has left me sad, angry and depressed.
We all know I have plenty to do- the list is long, the piles are high. I will be busy for two weeks. But that doesn’t mean that change has been forced upon me in a way I don’t like. I’ll have to work extra hard this week to be productive to distract my mind from lamenting what I miss.
Life is a continued road of adaption and in the past nine months we’ve had more than we wanted. Yet we have to continue to figure it out because each adaption makes us stronger and gives more purpose and meaning to our lives.